Three questions to ask when dating a unbeliever

The Bible doesn’t talk about dating in the Bible, but it gives a very clear “no” answer to having a relationship with those who do not believe in God (unbelievers). To understand “dating” through the Biblical lens, these three questions can guide us into understanding the mechanics of dating, Christian or non-Christian.

Rachel Gilson: I never became straight.

Q1. What is your purpose in dating this person?

Dating should not only be about getting to know the other person or looking for a romantic connection. When you start dating someone, you are opening yourself up to someone with the possibility of getting hurt or hurting someone. You or the other person can be “rejected.” If you both agree to have a steady relationship, a lover’s quarrel is always imminent because the heart is deceitful. (Jeremiah 17:9)

Move towards marriage
A dating relationship should be entered into with the intent to move towards marriage. Otherwise, you are just playing, wasting time, and allowing yourself to be tempted to a sexual relationship. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

God’s best: Qualities of an ideal boyfriend or girlfriend

Q2. Are we spiritually compatible?

There are four areas of compatibility in a dating relationship:

A. Physical compatibility – “Am I attracted to this person?”
B. Emotional compatibility – Are you both emotionally healthy to enter into a romantic relationship? (Meaning you’re not on a rebound or just lonely)
C. Communication compatibility – Is your conversation with one another meaningful and truthful, discussing things that matter most?
D. Spiritual compatibility – Christians are called to put God first in everything we do. Spiritual compatibility is non-negotiable (Proverbs 3:6). Thus, this issue should be at the topmost when deciding if you will pursue dating to the next level.

→ Powerful Bible verses for sexual purity.

Q3. Is God Number 1 in both our lives?

This question needs to be asked regardless if you are dating a Christian or non-christian. The label of “Christian” alone does not mean being the right person. If your desire for a companion has overtaken your desire to put God first, you have fallen into a whole different kind of sin. Idolatry can also mean putting something or someone else before God that you adore.

→ Some people may love you today but hate you tomorrow.

So can a Christian date a non-Christian?

Well, it’s not recommended (2 Corinthians 6:14–15). If you think you can eventually “convert” someone to become a Christian, it’s ultimately God’s work, not yours (1 Thessalonians 1:5). Don’t play the role of the Holy Spirit. Be patient and trust godly people around you who God can use to give you wisdom.

Seek wisdom from your parents or godly people, they might see things that you don’t (Proverbs 4). Remember, the heart is deceitful above all things. (Jeremiah 17:9)

→ The promises of Jesus to His followers

counseling
“I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit because you can do nothing without Me (John 15:5); “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.” (John 15:12)

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