Are you looking for someone to love, or do you want to be loved?
Of course, we want both. The reason God said, “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31).
When you think about boyfriends or girlfriends—you also have to think about marriage. If you are already in a relationship, how can you be sure this is the right person? In short, a relationship is a commitment, NOT an experiment.
💡 relationship is commitment, NOT experiment.
Relationship is intended for marriage, but its not for everyone
Sometimes it’s “single blessedness,” or for others, they find love at 50 (1 Cor. 7:9). Are you willing to wait or settle with someone not meant to be?
Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. (MSG)
How do you know if you have found the right one?
There is a difference between “finding the right person” and “becoming the right person.” Therefore, finding and becoming are two important factors in a successful relationship.
1. How do you find the ‘right person’?
The Bible says, “delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” In short, to find love is first to love God.
💡 To find love is to first love God.
- Unfortunately, many put love FIRST; God takes the SECOND PLACE.
- They don’t listen to their parents. Only what their hearts say.
- To them, “No jowa, No life,” but the Bible says, “No Jesus, No life.”
Jesus said, “I am the vine, you are the branches; the one who remains in Me, and I in him [a]bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.“
QUESTION: Who has no date this Valentines?
- Mirriam Defensor said “Umuwi ng maaga after school, para isipin nila na may date ka.”
- Ganyan talaga minsan, 18 years old ka na, wala pa din “love life,” imagine mo na lang yung 32 years old and above, lampas na calendar—pero hindi parin nakakatanggap ng roses.
- Malungkot—pero mas malungkot kung sa sarili mo, sinasabi mo na hindi ka maganda or gwapo. “No one will ever love me?”
- DAPAT CONFIDENT!
- Kung hindi ka kasi maganda, hindi ka pa matalino—UTANG NA LOOB… maging mabait ka naman!”
Many try to find love in Facebook
- Dapat maganda at gwapo yung profile picture mo diba?
- Pero wag masyadong filter.
- Pano kung na-kidnap ka kasi kamuka mo si Lisa Soberano sa FB—but in person, kamuka mo pala si Chewbacca? Well advantage yan diba!?
- At kung yung crush mo, seen ka lang parati, miski hawig mo naman si Nadine Lustre or Lee Jong-Suk, check mo din, baka “unfriended” ka na pala.
- At sa school, miski kasama mo siya sa project at hindi ka padin kinakausap… check mo din… baka “bad breath” ka lang.
- Buti na lang uso na ang mask, pano na pag tapos na pandemic?
- Ganun talaga, “ang love, parang bayad sa Jeep, minsan hindi nasusuklian.
How does the world define love?
- Hollywood best define love and romance from a world’s perspective.
- Movies use beautiful faces and creative scripts that make us hope and feel good.
- But Hollywood also promotes “erotic love,” premarital sex, and abortion.
- Hollywood also says it’s OK to have sex with whoever you want and “call it love.”
Shortest and successful relationships in Hollywood
- Britney Spears, 23, and Jason Alexander, 23, were married for only 2 days.
- Kim Kardashian, 19, and Kris Humphries, 26, were married for only 3 days.
- Kirk Cameron, 21, and Chelsea Noble, 25 are still married for the last 30 years.
What is the failure of these short marriages?
Well, it’s not because they’re not Christians because the divorce rate between atheists and Christians is similar. However, for Kirk and Chelsea, their relationship’s success is putting the person you love SECOND to God.
💡 The success of a relationship is putting the person you love ‘SECOND to God.’
We learn “love” from our parents
If you grew up in a loving family, you’re more understanding of people. If your parents always argued, you may see love as a destructive or controlling tool.
What happens if you come from a broken family?
- You may have low self-esteem or insecurity about being love.
- You may also become demanding.
- This affects how we view a boyfriend or girlfriend.
- Or we can learn from the mistakes of others.
Life is a choice
Sometimes we don’t have a choice who to love. For example, we cannot choose our parents. God gave them to us for a purpose. But can choose to obey or disobey.
If you are married, “‘Ang pag-aasawa ay hindi katulad ng mainit na kanin na kapag isinubo mo at napaso ka ay puwede mong iluwa.”
It a choice. You can make a marriage work or choose to give up. Choosing to make it work leads to harmony that creates a happy environment—Happiness is a choice.
💡 Happiness is a choice.
2. How do you find ‘true love’?
If we want God to answer our prayers, we must first “delight in the Lord.” It means we must seek God first. A person does not complete us. Only God does.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
💡 A person does not complete us. Only God does.
We were born with “self-seeking love”
- Even the most religious people still have relationship problems because transformation takes time. God is always at work in our lives.
- People make “long-term relationships” as an excuse to “get to know the person.” That will not help because unless we are transformed, we will always be drawn to “self-seeking love.”
💡 God is always at work in our lives.
Only the power of God transforms us to become selfless, not on our own
- Therefore, there is NO true love. What we usually have is “Eros love,” or romantic love.
- In time, Eros turns into a “Pragma love” or enduring love whose success depends on reason or duty. For example, a married couple chooses to be more patient to make it work.
- “Genuine love” (Agape love) only comes from God.
- Love can be a success if we find the right person. But is it possible?
💡 Genuine love only comes from God.
3. Is there a right person?
Well, NO, because our sinful nature is “self-seeking.” For example, the most shallow but common problem in a relationship is “ignoring text messages.”
“Na-low batt” lang kung ano-ano na inisip, may kasamang ibang girl, or hindi importante sa buhay…, ganun agad!?“
The point is, our nature is selfish. Only God is good and perfect.
💡 Only God is good and perfect.
Good News: God can make us the ‘right person’
Even though we don’t look good enough, don’t have enough money, or not smart enough, God can help us be the right person.
“Kung hindi ka kagandahan, patpatin, tabain, bad breath, o medyo may dating—pero walang naman pang-date—pwede pa din magkaroon ng “God’s best.”
💡 God can help us be the right person.
3. How do we become the right person while we wait for true love?
- We know “True Love Waits,” what do you do in the meantime?
- Don’t just wait doing nothing.
- Prepare yourself.
Prepare yourself to be the right person
- Being the right person begins with “Being right with God.”
- For boys, study hard to get a good job.
- For girls, be beautiful inside first, then outside.
- For both, make a list of negotiables (height, brains) and non-negotiables (godly, hardworking).
- Think of your partner as a “future husband or wife.”
- Wear in your heart the “purity ring.”
- Practice hygiene (Regular bathing, flossing, and trimmed nails). For example, imagine being married to someone who takes a bath once a week. Or, imagine if your wife has “mites.” Hygiene is important.
💡 Prepare yourself to be the right person.
Important: If you think you have found the right person, ask parents for their blessings
“Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.”