Joseph Ubalde’s Suicide Confession

Gp, what the writer is pointing out is the existence and involvement of an ENEMY who attacks the mind. It’s even mentioned in the writing that pastors also go through depression. Nobody is immune.

What we all need to understand here is that we are being pulled away from our responsibility to our own selves to think rationally. To keep choosing and pushing to live a normal life. To be good stewards of our own bodies. It’s become easier to simply succumb to victim mentality. Why? Because most of us have been overprotected. We were raised to live a life of ease and comfort. We were raised to believe that we deserve comfort and convenience. And so the moment we experience difficulty and challenges, we act entitled as though none of us deserve hardship. Have you heard of anyone who live in the slums taken their own life? There were those others who chose to kill their own selves with no similar sorrowful past whose life was what others envy. Why did they do that?

In the case of Seph, he was abused and bullied growing up. I get that. But how many people alive today experienced the same? He masked all his hurts and resentments. Perhaps, he bottled in much anger and bitterness. Those are toxins that eat people alive! If he remained carrying those pains of the past until his last trying to make sense as to why was he handed a life different from how he wished he had, it means he never let go of that episode and never forgiven his abusers and that was what acted like cancer in his system. Rotten his reason and judgment.

Events in our lives happen and none of us were asked whether we wanted to experience them or not. We do with what we’re handed. That’s how life is. If anyone suffers from some past and it keeps destroying them in the present, it’s a choice. How come those survivors of the world war who were physically, mentally, and sexually abused and tortured managed to keep on living until they’re old? Managed to live normally eventually? Trauma was there. Surely, they had faced terrifying nights as though their perpetrators are still present. But, they chose to live as they should.

And there are many voiceless victims of abuse everywhere behind pleasant and seemingly happy faces. What differs those who didn’t allow themselves get defeated by depression is their will to fight. The resistance to demand for a comfortable life. They face every horrible memories without drama but just with all honesty that they are frightened, angry, and bitter. They let go. They didn’t demand that they be given the attention, understanding, love, and care they much needed. Because that would only add to the negative feeling when not received as how they wish to receive what. Think about it. You do try to be sensitive to people, don’t you? If people are hiding behind masks, they in fact already closed their doors behind people who could’ve given them what they wanted to get. To ask others to be sensitive to what we might be going through behind a facade is too much. People have their own lives and problems to deal with. To make others responsible for our own suffering while we hide behind a mask is to be entitled. Why won’t we all just brave it and say it out loud what we think we need?

You know something bad may have happened to us, but it does not have to affect our tomorrows. It is a choice. It is our responsibility to ourselves to get back on track. It is not anybody else’s.

I say this because I was able to escape the lies of the enemy myself. I was myself depressed. I suffered for years trying to live normally while nobody knew what I was suffering from. I hid behind a character nobody could guess I was already bruised, limp, hopeless. Thoughts of taking antidepressant and even of just dying were all over my head. Every day was a torture. During that time it’s as though nothing good was happening to me when there were. More and more lies were injected in my mind blinding me to things I should be thankful and grateful for. I almost believed all the lies. Until I decided to seek help. Not from psychiatrists, but from the Lord. I read the Bible. I sought Him daily in my suffering. And you know, to tell you frankly, it didn’t seem like working at first. Thoughts remained there. Like warts re-appearing here and there. But, I held on. And God led me through the way out of it. He replaced every lie with the Truth.

All my suffering was never because of what was done to me. Not because of the pain inflicted to me by another, but by my own. It was more convenient for me to just assign blame to who hurt me when certain behavior and feelings of deep loneliness show up. I didn’t want to be responsible to myself in moving on. Deep down, there was this yearning for justice. Nobody has any right to blame me for my acts because I was bleeding. And it was because of another person who was not anymore present in my life. My suffering was because I refused to forgive. So the enemy took that as his foothold against me.

What solution Jesus Christ gave us is FORGIVENESS. Because He knows the damage it can cause us if we don’t. It doesn’t harm anyone else more than it does us. The root of all depression is being too self-absorbed. “I need people to understand me.” “I need to feel that I matter to them.” A depressed person often withdraws from their crowd and then be alone with their own company, then would accuse others of not caring. That is so wrong. I know and I say this because I was there. I was self-absorbed because I was suffering. And that’s what brought me deeper into depression. Such a toxic cycle.

The writer isn’t dismissing anything and putting a faith-based solution alone. He is helping in opening our minds to the Truth. We have been entrusted that life we’re given and we are to care for it rather than assigning responsibility to another all because we’re so tired and hurt.

I have never been furious about this blog post. Have you come this low? Capitalizing your net traffic by abusing and misusing the dead for views?

So, with this lame post, does it mean that if you have an illness, then God is away from you?

I demand an answer because when my mother died, she was faithful to God and even went out of her way to continue her ministry in the middle of chemotherapy. Yet, she’s dead.

Is there any difference between Joseph and my mother? They were both ill.

True enough this blog is nothing but a place for the “enlightened” and the saved souls. Pretty quick to judge. It disgusts me to my core.

AGREE.