Does God love me even if I am a gay Christian?

Will God still love me even if I am a gay Christian?

Joselito grew up with an abusive father who was into drugs and alcohol. They were poor, and with eight siblings, life was hard. His mother ran a modest beauty salon in their house. At six years old, he was sexually abused by different men who were neighbors and relatives.

My secret Christian life

I heard the gospel at 14 through my teacher and served in a Christian fellowship. Church activities distracted my same-sex attraction for a time.

As an adult, my hidden desire for men eventually became a gay lifestyle, one sin at a time. I met strangers in parks and movie houses. Grindr and Tinder weren’t a thing yet.

Double standard

I served in church but would later have sex with someone. I could not help it. I taught Math, and before class begins, I shared a Bible verse to encourage students.

I thought it was OK to mix my gay life with serving God, but there was guilt each time I chose sin over holiness. Eventually, I got tired and gave up going to church and sharing God’s words – Satan won this round.

I let go, but God did not

Seven years later, my friend invited me to Christ Commission Fellowship (CCF). During that time, I became tired of dating men, searching for Mr. Right, who I thought would make me happy and complete. I felt the door has been closing in on me.

I met a Pastor in church, who said God can still work mightily in my rotten life if only I would surrender everything to Jesus. I joined a support group that listened to my struggles. They neither condemned nor judged who I was. God never gave up on me.

→ Sin disables if you don’t know Jesus

HIV Positive: If God loves me, why this?

I had renewed hope and active in church again. I also led a small group and felt all the love I needed in the family of God. Then about five years ago, I had pneumonia that quickly developed into tuberculosis.

I knew I had to take the dreaded test for gays who lived an active sex life. Like a death sentence, the test confirmed I was HIV positive. My immune system was failing.

I questioned God, if you love me, you would have stopped me from committing sin and getting the virus. I blamed God for the consequences of my own sin.

I blamed God for the consequences of my own sin.

God’s grace abounds

The virus kept me to the lowest point when I couldn’t even stand. My weight fell from 80 to 35 kilos. I could barely eat. I was hospitalized for the first time in my life. I was hopeless, but I hoped in Jesus, my Savior who never abandoned me.

The many prayers sustained me. Miraculously, I survived. Afterward, I returned to regular teaching. Today, I live one day at a time. God’s love has no limits, and I trust whatever future lies ahead of me.

→ Am I God’s child?

I am still gay and Christian

If you struggle with sexual identity, lust, or internet porn, only Jesus can set you free as he did to me. He loves you as he loves me, even if I am gay. God is not calling gays to be straight, but to be holy.

I still have gay feelings but as a Christian, I have chosen the path of holiness. I choose not to feed my sinful nature.

I choose the path of holiness, not sin.

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